Honestly, every single trial, tribulation and torment that I went through, I inevitably found the same image floating up from the tangled strands of grey matter in my mind up to the top. It was recurring, and resurfaced all the time. Focusing on that, gave me the willpower, the resolve, the mental strength to pull through everything, even when I felt like giving up on the 18th minute of a 20 minute run at killer speeds in the scorching heat directly after yet another physical test an hour beforehand.

Honestly, I have always harboured the hope (wow, a sweet alliteration with h's) that I'd eventually pass that test that I've always yearned to pass, to be deemed worthy and to be the winner of that prize, to be looked upon by a pair of approving eyes. Feel free to swop approving with startlingly beautiful.

Honestly, I am slowly becoming smarter and realizing that it's an impossibly high standard to achieve. And I don't think I am quite capable enough to scale that height.

Honestly, I don't think you care anymore.


If you don't know, then you can't care

And you show up, but you're not there

The distance between us makes it so hard to stay;