Seemingly cryptic, guarded?
I'd like to pour it all out.
In one fell swoop, let you know everything.
i can't say a single thing.
no, really, i really can't.
What do you expect me to do?
It can't change anything at all.
The best course now is just to suffer in silence.
Those fluffy dreams and thought-up plans?
They're no longer able to be a reality.
How I wish I was there.
In that throng.
But no, life is funny sometimes.
It gives you gems and puts all these gems so far from your reach.
Those that matter.
Not with them.
Those that skim the surface.
Thrown together.
Learn to count your freaking blessings, you idiot.
And just stop, STOP wanting everything to be perfect.
Life doesn't work that way, nigel.
Right now you don't matter.
Just, just ...
just try to ignore it all okay?
and just deal with what you've got and it'll all be over soon.
You should have known better that things might turn out this way.
That smile even seen from afar. Should be more, MUCH more than enough for you.
But no it never is, is it?
Be satisfied with a glimpse from a distance.
You tried and it failed.
Blame the circumstances and blame yourself and blame others but it's a fact.
A fact that these things which matter immeasurably to you and your life.
You won't be with them.