Confusion, fatigue.
So many people better than I am. So many people more worthy of attention. And thus I feel really lucky that I have what I have, you know. But I feel like I want more. It's not enough, it's never enough. And no I'm not talking about recognition in school. Heck that.

I'm very, very confused and tired. Tired from doing all those things that I must. Tired from all the packing, the prepping, and tired at the thought of the month-long studying that I need to do. Tired from all the expectations that I have for myself but can't seem to fulfill. Tired of looking at old goals, broken dreams, shattered opportunities.

I'm confused. Confused at how something appears to be one way but suddenly changes the next. Confused at the optimistic as well as pessimistic sides of me. Confused at the negatively done things that contrast so greatly with the positively done ones. Confused at how I feel about the people around me. Confused about the person. Confused about the people.

It's times like these where I fully realize the convenience of being able to read minds. That would be swell, I tell you.

Perhaps the only things keeping me up are my friends, family and all the important people in my life. And the fact that I'm keeping up with my primary school classmates and constantly talking to them perks me up too, it sort of brings back a nostalgic feeling of the great times we had when we were so much younger. It barely seems like 10 years since I was in primary one, and in a flash of time it's my last year in RI. A year that I can say was alright, with its share of uphill bumps and downhill slides.

And my heart just cries out.