Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

Cliched? Yes. Catchy song? Yes. But, true and reflective? also yes.

It's amazing what a short period of time where one is exposed to different scenarios and experiences can do to a person. I really didn't expect 7 months to make me feel so different. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of all the crazy stuff we're expected to do now. Or my own personal things. But it's just been crazy. Crazy, exciting, interesting, exhilarating. But at the same time depressing, discouraging, bleak, dreary.

I don't know how to express it. But there are a few things in life that are for sure. No, not death and taxes. Risks and decisions. Yeah. Taking risks is a guaranteed thing in life. The bigger the risk, the bigger the gain. But have you ever teetered on the brink of doing something that you feel holds immense risk, but if you're lucky, the reward would be even greater? Yeah. I'm no risk-taker. 'Cause if you luck out, the repercussions will pummel you and your life so hard you won't even have time to react. And before you know it, your life falls into chaos because of that one action, that one risk you took.

Decision-making. So many, many things and factors to consider when you're making decisions. If only it wasn't so complicated. If only things were like the prehistoric ages, where if the alpha male chanced upon a female he liked, it was socially acceptable to club her over the head and bring her back to his cave. Yeah right. Nowadays so many more things have to be considered. And when you have to consider and try as hard as possible to factor in something with as low a probability as a girl's brain, it's damn near impossible.

You never know what a girl is thinking now do you. I mean the stereotypical girl is so predictable. But you never come across a girl who's like that. Maybe what you are, what you feel is top-notch right now, totally turns the girl you like off. Straight off. Just like Physics. In fact I can see it now:

Physics teacher: Ok boys, current of your looks go this way, magnetic attraction of your personality this way, cok cok cok, use palm rule, so the resultant force of attraction on the girl... eh? wait arh... Ah yes, resultant force downward. Equals what? Equals you got zero chance.

Summat like that. So yeah. Girls are totally unpredictable creatures. You might be standing in the full sunny brightness of their beaming smile and be the object of their affection one moment. The next thing you know, you blinked your eyes at exactly 0.01 seconds and 0.1 degrees in the wrong direction, and you said the exact taboo word out loud. For example:

Guy: I don't think we should go for lunch today...
Girl: Not go for lunch?! You trying to say what ah? That I'm FAT issit? that I need DIET issit? HUH?! HUH?!!!

Yeah abit extreme. But like I said one wrong step in the wrong direction, and you're flat out drenched in the extreme fury of one of nature's primal forces: the wrath of a woman.

Peace. (A little hard to have this with the raging confliction within me as to whether or not I should just go to sleep or study Chinese)