MOVED.

QUIXOTIC

There are no words that could describe how the lot of you mean to me, so why are you all going away?

My greatest takeaway from the past 2 months in army was the ability to appreciate my family about an infinite times more. Honestly, my eyes were really opened as to the good fortune that I have to have my family being there for me, and my eyes were at the same time made to water as I started sobbing uncontrollably one day on a cab to white sands after I felt that I have taken my mom for granted too many times and that I really need to appreciate her alot more.

I guess for people who do not have a specific ambition in the army because there is no point seeing as these 2 years do not have any major effect on the rest of your life, and also because SAF stands for Serve and Fu**off, things like these that strike you and make you see the light are the benefits that you get from army. Simultaneously, you learn to manage your time right down to every single hour because you only have that many bookout days to spend with your friends and family.

Then again, you don't get to organize the schedules of other people...

iwanttositontopofthatlistofpriorities;

Honestly, every single trial, tribulation and torment that I went through, I inevitably found the same image floating up from the tangled strands of grey matter in my mind up to the top. It was recurring, and resurfaced all the time. Focusing on that, gave me the willpower, the resolve, the mental strength to pull through everything, even when I felt like giving up on the 18th minute of a 20 minute run at killer speeds in the scorching heat directly after yet another physical test an hour beforehand.

Honestly, I have always harboured the hope (wow, a sweet alliteration with h's) that I'd eventually pass that test that I've always yearned to pass, to be deemed worthy and to be the winner of that prize, to be looked upon by a pair of approving eyes. Feel free to swop approving with startlingly beautiful.

Honestly, I am slowly becoming smarter and realizing that it's an impossibly high standard to achieve. And I don't think I am quite capable enough to scale that height.

Honestly, I don't think you care anymore.


If you don't know, then you can't care

And you show up, but you're not there

The distance between us makes it so hard to stay;

little by little
we gave you everything you ever dreamed of
little by little
the wheels of your life they're slowly falling off
little by little
you have to give it all in all your life and all the time
I ask myself why
you're really here

I saw a warning sign, and then you -

feel me, up against the wall,

who said that it's better to have loved and lost - I,

wish that I had

NEVER LOVED AT ALL.

breakdown,

rebound,

this could be my last goodbye;

you cross your heart, I hope to die